purplestarfishbooks

I sought to follow a recipe

to make what would bring joy to me.

At first I added too much sweetener,

next effort, too many wanted a taste too,

tried expensive store bought, pre-made,

too cookie cutter, too big a name.

Lastly, I sought to find a recipe,

and bake what would be right for me,

the perfect flavor of smart and sweet,

attractive to him and he’s attractive to me.

Although it is too soon to call

I pray that events will be evident to all,

and fill my need for sustenance,

a working relationship for both of us.

 

 

What’s up with me?
Well, I’ll tell you now.
Been here before,
so it’s nothing new.

Have been drinking toxic water
from a crystal pool,
thought all was well
until the froth and drool.

Was with a man who
did much good for me,
but was not “the one”
didn’t curl my feet.

And when it came time to
communicate,
his words always felt
more like anger and hate.

Nothing existed in his
understanding of me,
took all I said
way too critically.

Yet when he spoke,
was so demanding,
the end result was
always less of me.

I’ll look for pastures now,
where there’s greener trees somehow,
more vibrant colours,
and more honey bees.

when I do find it,
(and I’m sure I will),
I plan to matriculate,
take time to articulate them.

Study just what makes them be,
also, how they jibe with me.
If right, I will hold tight as well,
but only, it won’t be a jail.

I won’t hate on them,
I won’t berate them,
although I will appreciate them,
I will also let fine wine breathe.

Trust will be given well before
it can be earned, for,
this is the only way
that it can ever be learned.

I’ve made some mistakes before,
but I don’t regret them,
if life’s a risky game…
I’ll put my bets in.

The world that we live in

is fading fast,

fortold long ago

as to its path.

What ought we to do

if we don’t play along?

Do we have the option

to keep to our own?

Confused and perplexed

as to what to do…

can’t even agree

which human to turn to.

The only real choices

are both pretty sad,

Not too hard to determine

that things will get bad.

 

It’s very late
to turn back now,
I’m not sure that
I’d even know how.
Or that an act
of wisdom ‘twould be,
to show, again,
my love for thee.
What would it solve,
what could it do,
except shore up
the ego in you.
That’s not a task
I wish to tend,
So we shall remain
forever as friends.

 

What is it about me
that says: “I don’t mind…
if you stand on me
to reach the line,
if you burden me
to your heart’s delight,
if you use my bones,
your gears to grind.
If your jokes and pranks
you desire to try,
just release them on me,
for I do not cry.
I have no human feelings,
I am not like you,
For I am not thin, nor perfect,
so, of course, it’s okay for you to do.
And, who knows?
Perhaps your little charade
will motivate me to make a change?
If I really try, perhaps someday…
I too can make a thoughtless
shallow play?
Or maybe,
if I stand real still,
you may forget I was ever here,
Don’t fein as though                                    you ever cared
Don’t try to act
like you still could,
that’s just as absurd
as thinking your love                                 was once pure.
How obscure.

I guess, I now know                                      what it is that you meant,
that one time, long ago,
when those words
you had said.
You said them to me
when I asked how you be,
now I get it so well,
as I live in MY hell.
Nothing is horrible,
but nothing is great,
with everything lukewarm,
I barf in my plate!
Consequence surrounds me,
I’ve filled my own bed,
the pain now is throbbing
inside of my head.
Cherished, but berated,
I’m loved, but I’m hated,
I seem to have mated
with yet another child, infatuated.

 

Let not, the hot
temper that you’ve got,
compound around
my patience deficit.
We’re friends, of the kindred kind,
I only wish, your joy to mind.
Quarrels exist not, in me to bind.
State your case, keep your pace,
worry not over my face…for
loyalty e’er in me, shall you find,
and should empty, your quiver you detect, my Dova,
know that you will have
my respect and Lova.

If you loved me,                                                like I love you,
then you would know
a love that’s true.
If you did, it is so;
you would have
more than a clue,
as to why I get so
perplexed by you.
You have led me down roads,
past trees and ’round bends,
you have tricked and have treated
me, and have left me to fend,
you have hurt and abused me
for the innocence you sought
and although I possessed it,
my language you bought.
You failed on occasion
to know what you had
though the shell was all rough,
that aside, I am soft.
Never letting it show,
never letting you see
that I have such
an attractive possibility,
for to do so would be
showing the underbelly of me.
I must show that I’m tough
I must fein that I’m rough
If you see that I’m shakable
you may find that I’m breakable.
Now, you all fake a girlfriend,
and you all have a wife.
Or at least you all have had,
and yourself, more than twice.
And one of you is still married,
and one of you has a small son,
and you also have women
and some men, just for fun.
And you have fallen to masters
whom you’ve battled before,
some you have conquered
while others are clingy whores.
And the dollar’s your god now,
it commands, you obey,
it directs what you must do,
and what you must say.
And you’ve lost a dear mentor,
wasn’t perfect, to be sure,
but he did lead in some good ways,
and he left what is your’s today.
But you resent what he did
when you were but a kid.
Nonetheless, here’s my best,
for you have all the rest.
Though I lied, and I tried to hide
all those times you made me cry,
you were there to pull my hair,
that alone made me strong.

Stll, I wonder, Still I share,

Still, I don’t know why you cared.

Still, I catch you tracking me,

I’m flattered, though I shouldn’t  be.

Your ex called me your “Invisible Friend”,

I guess that’s true, that’s all I’ve ever been.

I question, had I perfected me,

just what our relationship would be.

I know we would not have stayed forever,

(we, neither one, that task can weather,)

but, maybe, we would have made it through,

maybe me, and maybe you.

But whom shall light the fires for you,      on cold, dank winter’s nights?
And whom shall sing soft songs to you,
when your sleep has taken flight?
And whom shall read the words I write,
should I leave them behind?
And walk upon the pebbled beach,
and sit beneath the pines?
And whom shall watch the
waves crash in,
and run between rain’s drops?
And whom shall love you all your days
and never, ever stop?